Author: Xebbie
Story Title: Camping With Xena
Characters: Gabrielle & Joxer, (Xena)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: A very good reason why it's best to fool around OUTSIDE the campgrounds. Ninth in the Pillow Talk series.
This rating is for explicit m/f sexual situations.

The characters belong to Studios USA and Renaissance Pictures and were used without permission. No copyright infringement was intended and no money was made.

Explicit male/female sexual situations. NC-17. Pretty graphic descriptions of, er, certain things. Oh, and there's NO emotionality in this one at all... I was in one of "those" headspaces when I wrote this.

This is the ninth story in the Pillow Talk series, following Pillow Talk, The Look of Love, My Favourite Mistake, Accidents Will Happen, Heat of the Night, In The Clear Light of a New Day, Frustration Break and Bodyrock.

Point in series: Can I just say that I'm officially off show continuity? Long-haired no-Way staff-totin' Gabby; that's all that's important to know.

Inspiration: Camping With Joxer (on The Royal Academy of Bards) by Oversoul. As you can tell by the title, this was directly inspired by that story, although I don't think it's a copycat exactly... just the same basic idea. If you've read the original, I'm sure you know that Oversoul and I don't write the same way at ALL, and in fact if you expect this to be as hot as hers you're in for a letdown... But if you have nothing to compare it to, you might like this. ;)

You can also find Xebbie's stories at The GJerotica Archives and Xebbie's Adult Fics

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Camping With Xena
by Xebbie
© 07/00 by Xebbie

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

--The Bloodhound Gang, "Nothin' But Mammals"


She started at the sharp whisper, giving a reflexive glance to Xena. "Shut up!"

"It's cold, Gabby!"

"Well, it's night time."

He knelt down at the edge of her pelt just as she was about to stand up. "I don't wanna be naked in this kind of weather."

"We'll bring a blanket," she growled.

Unfazed by her tone of voice, he gave her a blind kiss in the darkness which fell on her nose instead of her lips. Damn, he really was getting a backbone around her - just a little while ago he would have cringed when she'd spoken to him like that. She steadfastly refused to tell him, but she liked this better. "There's a blanket right here. How 'bout that."

"Are you insane??" He kissed her again, and this time got her chin. She grabbed his face and held it. "Xena's right - over - there!"

"Well, she's asleep!" he whispered defiantly, his words slightly slurred as her fingers dug into his cheeks. "If we're really quiet..."

Gabrielle stopped and actually considered. It was cold. And she was sure she could be quiet. And most of all - having sex with Xena right there was kind of... oddly... intriguing. The one remaining little thread of common sense caused her to shake her head slowly. "No, Joxer."

He sighed, slipping his arms around her and lowering her back to her pelt. "Okay then. Fair enough. How 'bout we just stay here for a little while, and, like, you can keep me warm. How's that?"

Trying not to grin, she bit her lip, and slid the furs back so that he could climb in. "That might work. It sounds quiet."

"Very quiet," he agreed, covering her mouth with his own as his hands slid over her body.

And for the next few minutes, it was indeed very quiet, and very warm.

She was working on his pants, her fingers skirting across his flat stomach as they picked at the knot of his laces, when he lifted his head. "This has to be quick, doesn't it?" he breathed. She nodded, then whispered her affirmative when she realized he still might not be able to see her. "'Kay." His lips descended to her again, settling not on her mouth this time but at her neck, the hollow of her throat, brushing quickly yet sensuously over her flushed skin. She finished with his pants, pulling them loose and sliding her hands down within the fabric, over his hips and thighs, and he shuddered, his breath catching.

"Quickly, Joxer," she whispered, and he nodded against her, trailing his kisses down her body, past her stomach, and lifted her skirt. Her heart thudded as the blood pounded in her veins, and when he slid her underwear off, his hand pressing within her to check how ready she was, she was unable to suppress a groan.

And at that, Xena sat bolt upright, grabbing her chakram and looking around wildly. Gabrielle clapped a hand over her mouth, yanking the furs up to her neck, hiding Joxer almost entirely - that is, assuming that it was too dark for Xena to see the giant lump at the foot of her bedroll.

Nothing moved. After a moment of silence, Xena whispered, "Gabrielle?" The blonde kept her hand over her mouth, certain that her heart was in her stomach, and prayed Xena would lie back down again. No such luck, as the Warrior Princess repeated her name, this time with a much higher level of panic to it.

She took a deep breath, and tried to sound as if she'd just woken up. "Hm- Xena? Wha...?"

Xena's silhouette seemed to relax slightly, and the chakram was lowered. "Are you okay?"

"I'm... um..." She paused, feeling Joxer's breath against her thigh, as his hand brushed over her leg. "I'm okay," she said sleepily. "Did something happen?"

"I heard something." Xena cautiously lay back down on her pelt. "I could have sworn it was - you."

"I was asleep," she mumbled, and stretched slightly, then jumped as Joxer's lips pressed against her leg. She swatted at his head. "I... must've been..." She bit back a gasp, as his lips were replaced with his tongue. "Dreaming," she finished weakly.

"Hmm," Xena said, sighing. "You do talk in your sleep, you know. I've started to get used to it."

"You've... you've told me that before," she answered, distractedly, and kept pushing at Joxer's head beneath the covers. He refused to be diverted; instead he licked his way up along her thigh, kissing and biting occasionally, and the closer he got to her womanhood the less forceful her hand's protests became. By the time he was close enough to nudge against her outer lips, her fingers were buried in his hair, pulling him closer.

It was fortunate that, when his tongue finally dipped into her folds, Xena was in the middle of a sentence and the bard's gasp was drowned out by her best friend's words. "Ugh. I should get back to sleep - it's chilly out tonight. Are you cold?"

"Hm? No - no, I'm hot, actually. Somehow it's... really hot under these blankets." She struggled to keep her voice low, dispassionate, and found that if she held it at a murmur, she sounded more sleepy than she did in the throes of sexual euphoria. So, murmuring it was.

Xena sighed. "Now that I'm awake, I'm awake, you know? Am I keeping you up?"

"Mm... no..." Beneath the furs, Joxer pressed up against her, licking rapidly - almost forcefully - at her clitoris. She shuddered, grabbing a handful of his hair and clamping her other hand over her mouth. Evil man - evil man, she thought, how dare he be so wonderfully evil.

Somehow she heard Xena shift, evidently propping herself up on one elbow, and then the warrior said, "Do you hear something? I'm sure I hear something - some kind of rustling."

They both froze, and she felt it against her as Joxer shut his mouth, pressing his lips together nervously. She took the reprieve, and muttered even more softly, "Must be some kind of animal."

Joxer snorted, ducking his head so that his laugh was muffled against her curls, and the force of air against her sensitive flesh caused her to jolt, arching against him reflexively. She fought down equally intense waves of desire and frustration, as even her slightly dizzy state of arousal didn't change her irritation over the fact that he found this situation funny.

"A stupid animal," she added, trying not to growl. In retaliation, he buried his mouth inside her, his tongue stroking in beautiful silken swirls around and within her entrance, tasting her, drinking her, daring her not to cry out. She would kill him, she vowed as her lower body melted, kill him slowly and sensuously.

"Speaking of dumb animals, that reminds me," Xena said, a teasing thoughtfulness to her voice, "how's Joxer?"

"I think he's doing... just fine," Gabrielle managed, trying not to pant.

"He asleep?"

"He's, ah, down for the count." Gods - that tongue... She had never realized before, but it was so pliant, as it darted in and out of her, probing deep inside her before slipping out and caressing her throbbing clit.

Xena chuckled throatily. "I was thinking today - I might start training him."

"That's good," she sighed, as Joxer lapped repeatedly along the length of her sex, "that's really, really good."

"I mean, he's got that huge sword-"

Gabrielle bit her lip, stifling a giggle. "One of the biggest I've ever seen," she said, grinning, and was rewarded with a doubling of effort from her lover down below.

"-And he doesn't seem to know how to use it!" Xena finished. Gabrielle felt Joxer snort against her a second time, and when his mouth withdrew she could almost picture the pouting expression on his face. She reached down, patted his head reassuringly, and then pulled him back to her slickened loins.

"Well," she murmured, "sometimes he takes direction pretty well..." He resumed his business willingly, eagerly in fact, and began to finally pay attention to her swollen clit - tracing circles around it, then covering it warmly with the width of his tongue, administering a few loving strokes before finally flicking it repeatedly until it was so stiff she thought it might break. There simply was no way to deal with that without writhing, and she hoped Xena would take it for a stretch.

"Mmm. That's what I'm hoping," Xena said casually, and the silhouettes of her arms picked up what was probably her chakram and fiddled with it. "But you know how he is. Sometimes it seems like everything he touches just comes apart."

Gabrielle bit her knuckle to keep silent, as he started his soft descent back down below, lapping at the pooling liquid between her legs - Gods had she ever been this wet?? The gentle nudges of his lips, tongue, and chin against her burning flesh felt - amazing, just intensely erotic, and she was on the verge of losing herself and calling his name when Xena whispered, "Gabrielle? Still with me?"

"Huh?" For a moment she wondered if she might have even imagined it - the way the blood was ringing in her ears now, it was amazing if she heard anything.

"I woke you again, didn't I?" The warrior sounded gently amused, and a bit sleepier than she had a few minutes ago. Gabrielle crossed her fingers - well, the ones that weren't currently running through Joxer's hair in a sort of delirious encouragement - that Xena would go with that, and just go back to sleep, because as interesting as this admittedly was, she wasn't at all sure she could get away with actually coming while her best friend was one hundred percent conscious and lying next to her.

"It's ... okay," she muttered, smoothing Joxer's sticky hair back from his drenched forehead. The air beneath the blankets had become impossibly humid, and it dawned on her briefly that if Joxer didn't finish soon he might end up suffocating under there. It didn't seem to deter him, though, as his next action was to plunge his tongue inside her in rapid, stiff thrusts. Dear Gods - how had she lasted this long!?

"You really are tired, aren't you?" Xena sighed. "You sound really out of it."

"Sorry. I'm really licked," she said weakly, and Joxer had to stop so that he could lower his head and stifle a laugh again. She felt his shoulders shaking, just barely brushing her thighs.

"Joxer's out of it too," Xena noted, "normally he's snoring his head off by now. I hope he's not suffocating over there. I worry about that dork sometimes."

"I'll check on him," Gabrielle promised, reaching both hands underneath the furs to take hold of his head, plunging her fingers through his hair and holding him affectionately, gratefully, and quite firmly as he sent her closer and closer to the edge. "He's very much alive," she said after a moment, and felt quite proud of how she'd managed to keep the shake almost out of her voice, as he spread his tongue and lips in warm, very wet strokes all along her loins. Oh, merciful Gods, she never lasted long under this assault.

"I'll let you get back to sleep, then," Xena said, and Gabrielle heard her rolling over, but then she rolled back halfway. "Oh - almost forgot. I'm going to be riding into Mykos early tomorrow, on business. I know you like to sleep in, but I'd like to have the company, if you want to come?"

Gabrielle squeezed her eyes shut, gyrating her hips as gently as she could, and all but gasped, "I would love to come."

"Great. Oh, and Joxer too, of course. Unless you feel otherwise."

"No - I think Joxer should definitely come, too." One of his hands, which had been holding her thighs as he usually did while going down on her, groped shakily for hers at this revelation. She loosened her hold on his head with one hand, taking his fingers in her own, and squeezed. He squeezed back. She wasn't sure who was trembling more.

"Mm. Well, remember, you asked for it," Xena said, turning back over. "I'll let you get to sleep, then."

"Okay - 'cause I need it-" Her voice raised, slightly, and she forced it back down to a mutter. "I need it as soon as possible."

"Fine, cranky," Xena mumbled, sounding distinctly sleepy. "'Night, then."

Gabrielle found that she had lost all ability to be attentive, because Joxer had apparently decided to dedicate himself to giving it to her "as soon as possible". His tongue swept over her in intense, delicate, fiery swirls, and she felt as if her entire body were made of liquid flames. She must be burning him - she was burning herself, and he was pressing against her, his mouth locked over her dripping mound, so close she didn't know how he was even finding room to breathe...

And he started rocking, grinding his hips against the ground, and while his right hand stayed locked with her left, his own left slid from around her thigh, down away from her body, to do - something. She couldn't tell what, but she could guess. She was surprised, then, when his arm snaked back around her thigh, lifting her hips slightly off the ground as he pushed his face against her even more firmly, as though he were trying to enter her headfirst.

She bit her lip, catching her breath, and listened as carefully as she could. No sound from her best friend; taking a deep breath, she took a huge risk, and in as steady a voice as she could manage whispered, "Xena...?" There was no answer, so she tried again, as loudly as she dared - as loudly as she thought she might need. "Xena, a-are you... hhhhhah, Gods... are you asleep...?"

Again, there was no answer. She blew out the breath she'd taken, flinging a leg over Joxer's shoulder, and lost herself as he went for broke on her straining body. They moved separately, Gabrielle grinding her loins against Joxer's mouth and chin, Joxer rolling his hips against the ground frantically, each threatening to beat the other to orgasm - yet the rhythms were identical, the paces in sync with one another, though neither was aware of it.

He broke first, after all the torture he'd put her through, clasping her hip tightly and thrusting almost painfully against the ground as he licked hotly at every bit of her he could reach. He moaned, and it was only the fact that his mouth was at that moment covering her clit that kept it muffled; the vocalization vibrated against her, through his lips, and she bit her lip until it bled, trying to remain quiet, and he squeezed her hand almost spasmodically, tighter and tighter, his tongue never easing up on her -

And finally... Finally... It exploded within her, a warm burst of unbelievable fire, a tight ball rapidly unwinding through her entire body, and she barely kept herself from yelling. The effort brought tears to her eyes, as she threw her head back, gasping silently, squeezing his hand as he'd squeezed hers a moment ago, and he squeezed back with such warmth, such feeling...

She was panting, feeling too exhausted to move, when he finally pulled his head out from between her legs and crawled slowly up to the opening of the furs. The first thing he did was gasp for breath, and in the moonlight she saw he was absolutely dripping, his hair plastered to his head. How much of that was sweat, and how much was from her, she wasn't sure; but she sure felt like she'd had a river flow out of her under there. Ugh - it suddenly dawned on her that she had to sleep in this pelt for the rest of the night. Maybe she could switch with Joxer.

Still panting, he turned to look at her, and even in the darkness she could see his face was split by that smug grin that he'd adopted ever since he'd grown truly confident with her - the "I Gave Gabby Afterglow" grin, essentially. There was a long pause, as he wiped his mouth - and nose, and chin - evidently waiting for her to say something. Finally he whispered, "I'm not hearing a 'thank you'..."

She fought down the urge to smack him - that grin was just too cute, even in this darkness. "I'm not going to thank you. You almost got us caught."

"Hey!" He tried to whisper indignantly, but she could tell that he was still grinning, and there was no way to grin and whisper indignantly even by the masters of such subtleties - which Joxer definitely was not. He leaned closer to her, and whispered right in her ear, "You really got off on that. Admit it."

And that, of all things, very nearly made her blush. Partly because Joxer was using language she'd never expected him to have the confidence to use around her - and partly because damn it, it was true. It was almost true enough for her to consider doing it again.


Instead she smirked at him, grabbing his nose and giving it a light twist. "I think you're talking about yourself, not me, monkey man."

"MONKEY man?!"


She put two fingers over his mouth, and he whispered around them, "Monkey man?"

"Yeah." She removed her fingers. "'Cause you're an animal." Giggling, she added, "A dumb animal."

"Ya know, I'm still not hearing a thank you here." A whine was creeping into his voice, which generally meant that he was genuinely feeling unappreciated.

Feeling sorry for him, she kissed her fingertips, then placed them gently over his lips again. He kissed them in return before she pulled them away, and she felt an odd warmth spread through her. "Consider that the best you're going to get," she told him, and felt him pouting more than she saw it. Finally, she leaned over and whispered, "Thanks. It was good," punctuating it with a kiss on the cheek. Then she added hopefully, "You wanna switch pelts?"

"No way," he said firmly, "I already gotta change pants before I go to sleep..." He shuddered, wriggling uncomfortably. "You got your mess, I got mine."

"Ugh. I don't like this kind of pillow talk," said Gabrielle, grimacing, and as she started to turn away he put his arms around her and pulled her back, kissing her lightly before climbing out of the bedroll. She heard him swear softly. "What?"

"Now it's even colder out," he said in a stage whisper.

"Hey, I offered to switch pelts."

"I'm not that dumb an animal."

She settled down, shutting her eyes and beginning to fall asleep, and listening to him stumble about the campsite. Sure, Xena could sleep through this, but Gabrielle made the first noise and she was up and alert, huh? Figured. She was nearly asleep when Joxer whispered her name. "Hm?"

"Gabby?" he repeated.


"So, we'll, uh... we'll do this again tomorrow night, right?"

"In your dreams."

He chuckled. "'Kay. G'night."


On their left, the Warrior Princess slept on silently.

Continue on to the sequel The Aphrodite Factor - Part One

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