Ashera's Archive - One Liners

I've always wanted to be inside you, Xena

Some of these quotes can only be understood by reading the whole story - which will hopefully mean you'll be interested in doing so *g*

FUNNY

“ Z: THERE WAS A PURPOSE BEHIND WHAT I DID.
N: YEAH, THE PURPOSE OF GETTING LAID.
Z: AT LEAST I DON'T PUT OUT IN 36 STATES JUST TO SEE WHO LOVES ME BACK.
N: WHY LIMIT ME TO JUST 36, WHY NOT ALL 50? - AND DON'T FORGET THE U.S. PROTECTORATES, YOU GEOGRAPHY FUCKHEAD.
Z: NO NEED TO INCLUDE THE VIRGIN ISLANDS FOR YOU.
N: OF COURSE NOT, THAT'S YOUR TERRITORY. ”

Zora and Nellie arguing in the hilarious Uber spoof D.C., by Lizzy (Tendre) - Article IV pt. D - Hosted on chugg.net
Chosen by Ang (Nniol)

“ Z: (Pretending to pick up the phone) Hi Suzy, what do you feel like eating for lunch today...Chinese...pizza...or ME? - So, Mary, what do you feel like doing this weekend...movies...museum...or ME?
N: Maybe y'all should find some new friends.
Z: My FRIENDS don't ask me to ingest their vaginal fluid.
N: It's not my fault you only get offered iced-tea.”

Zora and Nellie arguing (again) in D.C., by Lizzy (Tendre) - Article IV pt. D - Hosted on chugg.net
Chosen by Ang (Nniol)

“ When this was all over, he thought, ignoring the little twist in his gut, he'd write a scroll: 'How to Get a God's Cock Up Your Ass in 101 Slow and Not So Easy Steps.' ”

Autolycus trying to figure out what's 'up' with Ares in Like a Virgin, by Thamiris
Chosen by Ashera

“ Still panting, he turned to look at her, and even in the darkness she could see his face was split by that smug grin that he'd adopted ever since he'd grown truly confident with her - the 'I Gave Gabby Afterglow' grin, essentially. There was a long pause, as he wiped his mouth - and nose, and chin - evidently waiting for her to say something. Finally he whispered, 'I'm not hearing a 'thank you'...' ”

Gabrielle reflecting on Joxer's post-coital smugness in Camping With Xena, by Xebbie
Chosen by Ashera

DIRTY

“ 'The long tongue of the law.' ”

Diana Starlett speaking to Charlotte Browning in the Uber tale Surfacing, by Paul Seely and Jennifer Garza. - Hosted on Mary D's The Bard's Corner
Chosen by Ashera

FRIGHTENING

On genetic manipulation and eugenics...

“ 'You can't produce strength if you use material that is weak. You can't produce intelligence if you use material that is stupid. And you certainly can't produce respect for authority if you use material that is criminal.' ”

Dr. Stephens speaking in the Uber story The Battle, by Judy (Wishes) - the story which inspired Klancy7 to write The Clinic. - Hosted on Mary D's The Bard's Corner
Chosen by Ashera

Send em in!

Do you have a favorite quote from a Xena, Herc, or Young Herc fan fiction story? Then nominate it! The quotes can be funny, dramatic, observant, dirty - anything you want. Just as long as you couldn't get the damn line out of your head. And as you can see, they don't have to be just one sentence (but please don't make them too long). Oh, and you have to nominate quotes from stories that aren't your own.

Send them to Ashera@asherasarchive.com, and include the character speaking, the story's title, the author, the url of the story (if it's not on this archive), and your name or handle. Sending in a quote doesn't guarantee its inclusion on the page.