Author: Lisandra
Story Title: Key to the Bedroom
Characters: Joxer/Autolycus, (Xena/Gabrielle)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Still trapped in his less-than-pleasant jail cell, Joxer finds himself rescued by a certain King Of Thieves. Sequel to Ogami's story Fruit, Feet and Grins
This rating is for explicit m/m sex.

Trust me, Joxer

Studios USA own Joxer and Autolycus.

NC-17 for male/male sexual situations.

Introduction: This is a sequel to Ogami's Xena/Gabrielle slash story, Fruit, Feet and Grins, and this story stands fine on it's own. I felt because Joxer was sort of left hanging at the end of the story, a sequel needed to be written. My story begins with the last scene Joxer was in Ogami's story. A line will indicate where the scene ends and my story begins.

My Thanks to...: Ogami, who granted me permission to write a sequel and to people like Sockii and Jheran McAlister, who have written Joxer/Autolycus slash fiction that has inspired me to write my own. Special Thanks to Sockii for the above image!

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Key to the Bedroom
by Lisandra

Part One

Meanwhile, in an escape-proof prison on the Rock of Gibraltar...

"You've made a big mistake!" Joxer yelled through the bars of his new cell. He'd only been there for two minutes, and was already feeling claustrophobic. He hoped Xena would pick up the trail and come to his rescue.

Suddenly a figure stumbled against him, and Joxer smelled the stench of beer and other things from him.

"Ugh!" Joxer grimaced, shoving him away.

The sot staggered back, but didn't fall. Instead, he tottered unsteadily and grabbed Joxer by the shoulder.

"Ey! You wanta fight me, buddy?" the drunkard bellowed.

"Get away from me!" Joxer yelled, shoving him away again.

The drunkard sidled up close to him again, pointing his finger across Joxer's face.

"There's me buddy!"

Joxer turned his head to look, and a rough-looking man came walking up. He reached up to a patch of armor on Joxer's chest, and began stroking it.

"Don't you just love the way leather feels across your body?"

Joxer's eyes went wide. "LET ME OUTTA HERE!! LET ME OUT!! XENA! GABBY!! SOMEONE!!! HELP!!!


"No need to fight it, little man. Come on and relax," said the man as he slapped his left hand down on Joxer's ass to pull him closer, causing Joxer to yelp, and laid his right hand down onto Joxer's crotch.

"Na-na-na-no," Joxer stuttered, frightened not only by the man's humongous and intimidating physique, but also by the carnal look in his eyes; a look that said he hadn't had any in many a winter. This man was going to rape him if Joxer didn't do something quick. But what could he do? The guards had stripped him of his armor, his weapons, and not to mention his dignity. No one could help him. That inebriated man had slumped down in a corner to watch what he thought would be a brawl.

"Oh, yes! Now bend over before I have to make you bend over!" the man growled threateningly.

"Excuse me, but I believe the gentleman said no," said a smooth, masculine voice. Joxer, his potential rapist, and the sot all turned around to where a caped man was sitting on one of the obligatory beds. Strange, Joxer hadn't seen that man before and apparently neither had the two other men.

"This is a private party, bastard, so stay out of it or else I'll break every bone in that smug face of yours!" the crude felon snapped.

"Is that so?" the cloaked man replied. "Well, I guess this is one party I'm going to have to crash!" And with that said, the mysterious man stood up, threw the hood of his cape off his head, revealing the countenance of Autolycus, the King of Thieves.

Joxer could not remember the last time he felt so relieved as he watched in awe as Autolycus jumped high and forward into the air, and then landing with his feet square against the thickset scoundrel's forehead, causing him to fall to the left side of Joxer like a ton of bricks.

Autolycus then kicked the prison door open, which he had apparently secretly picked the lock of earlier. He ducked when he saw a guard about to hurl himself at him. When the guard hit the floor and was currently unable to get up, Auto pulled a ring of keys off the guard's belt. Autolycus glanced quickly at the nearest cells. "Joxer, free all of the mates in the first six cells," he ordered as he tossed the keys to his friend.

Joxer did as he was told and let the mates free. He felt like a punching bag, bobbing back and forth as each mate slapped him on the sides of his shoulders in gratitude. The men Joxer had let out numbered just enough to fight the guards who had by now been called to stop the ruckus.

"It's every man for himself, boys!" Autolycus yelled as he rushed over to Joxer. "Except for you," he grinned at Joxer. "We're getting out of here together."

With all of the guards preoccupied with the loose inmates, Autolycus and Joxer escaped without anyone noticing. They ran for fear that in all of the confusion, someone still might realize they were missing. Autolycus led Joxer through many different paths to ensure that no one would track them.

Autolycus finally stopped running and pulled Joxer to a halt with him. They sat down on a large rock in the middle of a forest glen.

Autolycus lightly hit Joxer's arm with the back of his hand to get his attention. With a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his lips, he said, "Ha! Escape-proof, my ass!"

"Yeah," said Joxer, returning the smile. 'And what an incredible ass it is,' Joxer thought to himself as he remembered the last time he'd been with Autolycus. Auto had an ass that was so perfect it had to have been meant for a god. Of course, Joxer remembered, Autolycus is a son of Hermes. Auto had revealed that to him the night they had become intimate. The fact that Autolycus was a demigod like Hercules was one that not many people knew. "So, Auto, what did you do this time to get locked in Gibraltar?"

"Well, you know. Another day, another defilement, another jail cell." Autolycus shrugged. "The question is what, my fine friend, did you do to end up there?"

Joxer had a bit of a puzzled look on his face. " tell you the truth..." Auto watched Joxer patiently. "I'm...not sure."

"You're not sure?" Auto sat straight up.

"Yes, I mean, all I was doing was taking a stroll through a small village, when a woman begins to point at me, shrieking, 'Mad man! Mad man!' And when a few soldiers had taken notice of her squawking, they came and arrested me."

"Joxer, you must have done something to attract that attention. Unless, you had a run-in with a god who was in a foul mood," Autolycus suggested, as he recollected the time that Ares himself had caused he and Hercules' boyfriend Iolaus to be utterly inarticulate to any one they met.

"That's it," Joxer exclaimed. "It has to be because I was in one of Aphrodite's temples before I headed to the village."

"O.K., now we're getting somewhere," Autolycus told Joxer. "Tell me everything that happened before you left the temple so we can figure out why you were sent away from the temple."

"I had been traveling with Xena and Gabrielle because Xena needed the assistance of a great warrior like myself to help her find a precious diamond. We went to one of Aphrodite's temples to look for it and while inside I began to sing Gabrielle a few new verses to my theme song. Would you like to hear it?" Joxer asked ambitiously.

"Sure, Jox."

Joxer the needed,
Never been defeated.
He goes where the villains are,
Roaming to and roaming far...

"But that's all I've thought up so far," Joxer quickly declared. "What do you think?"

"I love it!" Autolycus lied through his teeth.

"Thanks, Auto!" Joxer smiled sweetly at him.

Autolycus couldn't help but smile back. Joxer had a smile that could warm the coldest heart. And those lips of his could warm up any other part of the body, Autolycus knew from experience.

"So, anyway, when I finished the song, something came over me and I just left the temple for no reason at all except that I thought I was needed somewhere in a place far from that temple."

"Definitely sounds like the interference of a deity, but for a dinar's worth I can't figure out what might have happened to cause Aphrodite to send you on your way." Autolycus looked up into the sky and noted that evening was dawning on them. He clasped his hand on Joxer's shoulder. "What do you say we travel to the next town, do a bit of wining and dining, and rent ourselves a room to stay in for the night?" Autolycus swiftly winked at him.

"That sounds great, Auto." Joxer caught Autolycus' hidden suggestion for a bit of a replay of their previous rendezvous. He had stopped mooning over Gabrielle days after his little tryst with Autolycus, so he did not feel ashamed spending another night with him. In fact, he had been too drunk to feel any remorse about what he had done before behind his once-beloved Gabrielle's back.

"Alright then, let's get going." Autolycus softly patted the outside of one of the pockets on his tunic and murmured to himself, "I knew this would come in handy another day."

Autolycus and Joxer didn't have to travel more than a few miles before they found a small village to spend the night in. They found a tavern that served well as both a restaurant, bar, and motel. They rented a room, and then after a satisfying dinner in the tavern's quaint dining hall, the two began to head for the bar where they could pay the bill for their meal, and of course, have a few drinks.

The tavern reminded Autolycus of the one he and Joxer had stayed in before. They had came there together after the whole Cleopatra fiasco, and although Autolycus had been trying to lose Joxer, he found that he wasn't such bad company when he wasn't trying to be something he wasn't. Later on, they had taken a couple of girls up to their room. After the girls' time had ran out, Autolycus got up and climbed over on to Joxer and his bed.

Autolycus and Joxer found themselves two spare seats at the bar and at once were given a wine list by a fair bar maid. Struggling with and sounding out most of the words, Joxer read aloud to Autolycus and himself the list of alcoholic beverages.

"Bac-chus' Bran-dy, Si-le-nus' Stim-u-lant, Di-o-ny-sus' Drink: For the Dip-so-ma-ni-ac in You..." But Joxer's listing was cut short by warm lips and a bushy mustache lightly brushing his ear.

"I'm thirsty for something else." Autolycus playfully growled. Slyly, his tongue made its way inside Joxer's ear.

A shiver of anticipation traveled throughout Joxer's body as Auto's tongue continued to swirl around inside him and his foot began a slow trip up his leg. Raising a hand to the proprietor, Joxer squeaked out, "Check, please!"

Part Two

Autolycus' hand fumbled around in one of his pockets till he produced some dinars. He absent-mindedly threw them on the counter in front of the proprietor. Auto backed his head slowly away from Joxer's. He took Joxer's hand and lifted him off his seat. Joxer followed him across the barroom and then up the creaky stair case that led to the motel rooms.

Having unlocked the door to their bedroom, Autolycus made a sweeping motion with his hand, indicating that Joxer should walk in first. As Joxer walked in, Auto watched Joxer's enticing backside move seductively. Joxer watched as Autolycus securely locked the door behind them. Turning back around to Joxer, Autolycus said with a lewd smirk, "C'mere you." He then wrapped his arm around the back of Joxer's waist and pulled him into a deep kiss. Joxer felt like he could melt in the embrace of that strong arm.

They broke their kiss so they could begin undressing each other. Auto's hands slowly made their way up Joxer shirt so he could pull it over his head. At the same time, Joxer began undoing the laces on Auto's tunic. Resuming their lip lock, Auto and Joxer got to work on each other's pants. Boots, socks, underwear, pants, and shirts were thrown in haste all about the room. In no time at all, the floor was covered in scattered garments. Joxer draped his arms around Autolycus' neck and planted a hard kiss on his lips. Autolycus laid both of his arms around Joxer's waist.

Without breaking the kiss, Autolycus urged him to walk backwards towards the bed. Their lips reluctantly parted and Autolycus let Joxer fall back on the soft bed. Joxer looked up at Autolycus with eager milk chocolate eyes, silently begging Autolycus to join him. Auto gently descended upon him and began kissing all along his neck. Joxer giggled just a bit as Autolycus kissed and licked his way down Joxer's chest and stomach.

Autolycus lowered his head between Joxer's smooth legs and gave them the same special treatment. Joxer wriggled and squirmed as Autolycus lips and tongue worshipped his inner thighs. Autolycus looked at Joxer's long stiff cock with yearning and encased the head in his mouth. He curled his tongue about Joxer's shaft before sucking down intensely.

Joxer moaned and instinctively tangled his fingers in Auto's hair. So as not to cause him to gag, Joxer began to tenderly thrust up into Auto's warm, inviting mouth. Autolycus continued to suck down savagely on Joxer's sex until it rewarded him with Joxer's cream. It spilled forth into Auto's mouth in white, hot spurts and Autolycus drank it down ravenously as if it were the sweetest of nectar. Autolycus released Joxer's cock only after it had completely softened and he had swallowed every last drop.

Autolycus slid his way back up against Joxer's chest to rest his head against his clavicle. Joxer beamed and brought his head up and forward over Autolycus' shoulder. Leaving a trail of wet kisses along Auto's shoulder, Joxer clamped his mouth upon his neck and began sucking at it with abandon. The hickey he left behind was as large as a dinar.

Joxer threw his head back against the pillow as Autolycus began laying soft kisses all about his face. "Please, Auto," he murmured.

"Please what, Joxer," Autolycus asked as he lifted his eyelids to look at Joxer. His dark brown eyes were ablaze with passion.

"Please...fuck me," he said breathlessly. "Fuck me hard."

Autolycus put on a face of mock resignation. "Well, if you say so."

Meanwhile, in the hut of a fortune teller...

"I am Madame Marmara. How may I be assistance to the two of you?"

"I'm Gabrielle, and this is Xena." Xena shot Gabrielle a skeptical look. Gabrielle leaned her head forward toward the oracle. "What do you see in our future?"

Madame Marmara closed her eyes and focused her thoughts on her customers. "I see...that one day, your heroics and sexual activities will be historical and you will inspire another duo to have dangerous and erotic adventures together." She squinted her eyes even tighter and pressed her fingers to her head. "Their names will be...Batman and Robin."

Gabrielle smiled at Xena with amusement while Xena rolled her eyes in the opposite direction.

Back in the Love Shack...

Auto sat back up between Joxer's legs. When Joxer bent his knees up, Autolycus placed a sturdy yet tender hand on each of Joxer's thighs and delicately spread them apart.

For a moment, Auto cherished Joxer's body in this state. The way the soft moon light shone on him from the window made Joxer's pale skin look like the fairest of porcelain. But it was just as beautiful in the day time as well because then it looked to be the color of the purest white snow.

At the very same moment, Joxer admired the body in front of him. Autolycus' body was like that of a human statue. One would think he was a statue that had been given life to by a deity. His skin was the most alluring shade of tan and his well-muscled chest just seemed to beckon to be caressed. Joxer wanted nothing more than to answer its call and so he did.

Autolycus leaned forward for a kiss and Joxer shut his eyes and puckered his lips. Joxer was surprised after a moment or two when no lips entered his personal space. He opened his eyes and looked curiously around for Auto. He found him bent down on the floor, rummaging briskly through his clothes. Confused and just a bit turned off, Joxer asked, "Um...Auto? What are you doing?"

"Oh, just looking for something...," he popped up from the floor with a tiny vial in hand. "...special." He jumped back into the bed and opened the bottle. He waved the lid beneath his nose and was very pleased with the scent.

Autolycus offered Joxer a sniff of the fine oil. Joxer thought the aroma of the vial's content smelled like a flower garden in the spring time. He nodded his head in approval.

Auto poured a fair amount of the oil on his hand and smeared it all along his hard cock. He then poured more onto his hand to rub over Joxer's anus. Joxer sucked in his breath as Auto slipped one lubricated finger, and then another into his hole. Working him gently, Autolycus slowly pulled his fingers in and out until he was sure Joxer was ready.

Joxer lifted his legs around Autolycus' back, and in one swift movement, Auto plunged inside him. Joxer would have yelped if Autolycus hadn't covered his mouth for a piercing kiss. With each thrust in, the pain dulled and Joxer could only feel the need to have Auto inside him. The sensations were too much and Joxer found it impossible to make any sounds other than moans and groans.

Joxer's hands slid down Autolycus' back till they landed upon his ass. Autolycus gasped when he felt Joxer grab at his cheeks tightly. He pushed his cock in at a faster pace and a deeper depth, hitting Joxer's sweet spot each time.

With one last deep thrust, Autolycus cried out as he came inside Joxer. When Autolycus' convulsions had stopped, he pulled out from inside Joxer and rolled over to the right of him.

Autolycus stretched his left arm out to his lover. Joxer took the invitation and rested his head on Auto's shoulder. Joxer laid both an arm and a leg across Auto's body and they both dozed off to sleep.


When morning came, Autolycus found himself alone in bed with a note to the left side of him. Bleary-eyed, he opened it and it read:


I'm sorry I left without saying good-bye, but I just didn't want to go through all of that "morning after" stuff. I'm sure we'll meet again sooner or later.


P.S. If you want to meet sooner, I'm moving eastward to the next town.


Autolycus smiled and put the letter in his nearest item of clothing. He then got up from bed, stretched his limbs, and then called on a few hired hands to bring him a bath tub full of steaming, hot water. He wanted to get washed up before he started to head east.

The End

Author's Notes: Yes, I realize that Dionysus is the Greek counterpart of his Roman counterpart, Bacchus, and therefore they are the same deity, but The Powers That Be (TPTB) screw with mythology so much on the show that I thought it was fair enough for me to screw a bit with it too.

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